I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd so tap that.'

Topics: Funny Facebook Status Quotes

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men...

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

Laughter is always the best medicine... unless you have diarrhea.

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't...

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

Opening your cabinet, seeing there's about to be an avalanche of stuff falling, and quickly...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

I could be in another country but if someone is waiting on me and they...

I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks...I mean how do you not hear...

I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks...I mean how do you not hear...

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute!...

When someone looks at your baby pictures and jokingly says 'Aww you were soo cute!...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bitches, 11...

On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bitches, 11...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape...

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling 'Help! Shark!...

Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop...

Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

If you watch Jaws backwards; it's actually a film about a shark that throws up...

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...

In every circle of friends there's always that one person everyone secretly hates. Don't have...