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Making a good Facebook status and then the next day you see it on someone...

Making a good Facebook status and then the next day you see it on someone...

It doesn't even matter what it is. It's automatically cool if it Glows in the...

It doesn't even matter what it is. It's automatically cool if it Glows in the...

We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.

We always ignore the ones who adore us, and adore the ones who ignore us.

When people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I ask them 'Would you...

When people ask me why I don't have any tattoos I ask them 'Would you...

Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make...

Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make...

Small circle = less problems...Big circle = bunch of bullshit.

Small circle = less problems...Big circle = bunch of bullshit.

'Results may vary.' means that it probably wont work for you at all.

'Results may vary.' means that it probably wont work for you at all.

If you quit Facebook, don't be pissed when I forget your birthday.

If you quit Facebook, don't be pissed when I forget your birthday.

Just deleted some friends on Facebook, if you're reading this then you're one of the...

Just deleted some friends on Facebook, if you're reading this then you're one of the...

I'm in a love/hate relationship with my bed. I love crawling into it at night,...

I'm in a love/hate relationship with my bed. I love crawling into it at night,...

Trying to accomplish a task before the microwave hits 0 like your life depends on...

Trying to accomplish a task before the microwave hits 0 like your life depends on...

That moment of preparation right before you step on an escalator.

That moment of preparation right before you step on an escalator.

When Facebook asks what's on your mind? Where are you? Who are you with? I...

When Facebook asks what's on your mind? Where are you? Who are you with? I...

When I have bad dreams I wake up pissed at the person in real life...

When I have bad dreams I wake up pissed at the person in real life...

That awkward moment when you don't want to come out of your room because there...

That awkward moment when you don't want to come out of your room because there...

Dear boys, If you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look...

Dear boys, If you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look...

If a car behind me makes the same turn I do twice in a row,...

If a car behind me makes the same turn I do twice in a row,...

There's nothing worse than your foot falling asleep and having to stomp around like a...

There's nothing worse than your foot falling asleep and having to stomp around like a...

I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on...

I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on...

Homer, lighten up. You're making 'Happy Hour' bitterly ironic.

Homer, lighten up. You're making 'Happy Hour' bitterly ironic.

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

This is one of those mornings where I'll be picking the marshmallows out of the...

Girls love a guy who can hold a good conversation without talking about sex every...

Girls love a guy who can hold a good conversation without talking about sex every...