I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.

Quote by W C Fields

Topics: W C Fields Quotes

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink....

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep...

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

Prejudice is like a hair across your cheek. You can't see it, you can't find...

Prejudice is like a hair across your cheek. You can't see it, you can't find...