If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
Quote by W C Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and...
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget...
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Never give a sucker an even break.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a...
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple...
Sleep -- the most beautiful experience in life -- except drink.
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to...
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
Always remember others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you...
I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.