You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

The fluttering of a butterfly's wings can effect climate changes on the other side of...

The fluttering of a butterfly's wings can effect climate changes on the other side of...

I know of no pursuit in which more real and important services can be rendered...

I know of no pursuit in which more real and important services can be rendered...

The parents have a right to say that no teacher paid by their money shall...

The parents have a right to say that no teacher paid by their money shall...

He lives in fame that died in virtue's cause.

He lives in fame that died in virtue's cause.

The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.

The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.