The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What's that, a bonus? I…
Quote by George Carlin
Religion is just mind control.
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is
This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Always do whatever's next.