By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Truth Quotes

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the radio as they trick...

Songs with sirens in them should not be allowed on the radio as they trick...

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood.

My driving abilities from Mexico have helped me get through Hollywood.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive...

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive...

My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able...

My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able...