Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Free Thinking Quotes, Independence Quotes, Thinking Quotes

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

When reason rules, money is a blessing

When reason rules, money is a blessing

Ben Franklin may have discovered electricity- but it is the man who invented the meter...

Ben Franklin may have discovered electricity- but it is the man who invented the meter...