Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fuck
Quote by George Carlin
Free Thinking Quotes
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...
Zeal without humanity is like a ship without a rudder, liable to be stranded at...
When you meet anything that's going to be human and isn't yet, or used to...