Quotes by Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

#Steven Wright

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

#Steven Wright

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

#Steven Wright

Hermits have no peer pressure.

#Steven Wright

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

#Steven Wright

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

#Steven Wright

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

#Steven Wright

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

#Steven Wright

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

#Employees

At one point he decided enough was enough.

#Steven Wright

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

#Steven Wright

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

#Steven Wright