Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

#Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion....

#Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her...

#Rodney Dangerfield

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was...

#Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or...

#Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

#Rodney Dangerfield