Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

#Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

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I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous -...

#Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a...

#Rodney Dangerfield

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

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With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex...

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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and...

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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.

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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're...

#Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing...

#Rodney Dangerfield