Quotes by Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

#Phyllis Diller

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

#Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

#Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

#Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

#Phyllis Diller

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

#Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

#Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

#Bachelors, #Mistakes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

#Baseball

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

#Cooking

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

#Children, #Mothers