Quotes by Johnny Carson

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

#Johnny Carson

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

#Johnny Carson

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

#Johnny Carson

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

#Johnny Carson

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

#Johnny Carson

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

#Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

#Johnny Carson

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

#Johnny Carson

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

#Johnny Carson

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

#Johnny Carson

We're more effective than birth control pills.

#Comedy, #Storms

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

#Divorce, #Men And Women, #Money