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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

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If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing,...

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

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In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

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For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

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Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

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Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

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Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.