Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Johnny Carson Quotes

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

I know you've been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous....

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.