The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money
Quote by Johnny Carson
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...
Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...
We're more effective than birth control pills.
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was...
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen...
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has...
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they...
Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...
Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and...
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.