We're more effective than birth control pills.

Quote by Johnny Carson

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Storms Quotes

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives...

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing...

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his...

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy.

I try to stay focused on my life and do try not to be brought...

I try to stay focused on my life and do try not to be brought...

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

The only 'ism' Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

People's sex habits are as well known in Hollywood as their political opinions, and much...

People's sex habits are as well known in Hollywood as their political opinions, and much...

I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor.

I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor.

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.