To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always...

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What...

Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What...