To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: God Quotes

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

Practice random beauty and senseless acts of love.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give...

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give...

Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day...

Just because today is a terrible day doesn't mean tomorrow won't be the best day...