The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Quote by George Carlin
George Carlin Quotes
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...
If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...
I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it
When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain....
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
The status quo sucks.
Always do whatever's next.