Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Quote by George Carlin
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough...
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...
Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
Religion is just mind control
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
A good college is like unprotected sex: Glad you got in, wish you never came.
It's funny the way most people love the dead. Once you're dead, you're made for...