One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Friendship Quotes

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

Always do whatever's next.

Always do whatever's next.

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...