The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Christmas Quotes

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to...

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I've honestly not been too aware of my age until I went to the doctor...

I've honestly not been too aware of my age until I went to the doctor...

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on...

The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing. The best tunes are played on...

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.