One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Friendship Quotes, Funny Quotes

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

The status quo sucks.

The status quo sucks.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Holland is a country, where the earth is better than the air, and profit more...

Holland is a country, where the earth is better than the air, and profit more...

The secret to humor is surprise.

The secret to humor is surprise.

I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but...

I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but...