The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Bob Hope Quotes

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the...

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

I'm so old they've canceled my blood type.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to...

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart...

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that...

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.