The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

Quote by Bob Hope

Topics: Bob Hope Quotes

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you...

I have to much money invested in sweaters.

I have to much money invested in sweaters.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

Middle age is when you still believe you'll feel better in the morning.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things -...

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for...

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for...

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants...

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot...

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I...

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I...

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of...

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of...

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to...

At the Academy Award Dinners all the actors and actresses in Hollywood gather around to...

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe.

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

If a writer has to rob his mother, he will not hesitate: The 'Ode on...

It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if...

It is possible that mankind is on the threshold of a golden age; but, if...

Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism.

Hollywood always wanted me to be pretty, but I fought for realism.