My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.