Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: History Quotes

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter.

Not by wrath does one kill, but by laughter.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he...

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he...