My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

The public history of modern art is the story of conventional people not knowing what...

The public history of modern art is the story of conventional people not knowing what...

Assassination has never changed the history of the world

Assassination has never changed the history of the world

The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of...

The history of the world is none other than the progress of the consciousness of...