I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: Twins.

We thought it might be fun to have twins.

We thought it might be fun to have twins.