I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect...

I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect...

Who casts to write a living line, must sweat

Who casts to write a living line, must sweat