I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings Quotes, Sex Quotes

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it.

We would like to live as we once lived, but history will not permit it.

I think there was a revolution in poetry, associated chiefly with Eliot and Pound; but...

I think there was a revolution in poetry, associated chiefly with Eliot and Pound; but...

I don't want to go negative on Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but he didn't pass an...

I don't want to go negative on Franklin Delano Roosevelt, but he didn't pass an...