I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings Quotes, Sex Quotes

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Boy, have you got your lions crossed.

Boy, have you got your lions crossed.

In old age, one should do something monumental.

In old age, one should do something monumental.