Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Gifts Quotes, God Quotes, The Present Quotes

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't...

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't...

Our creator did not create our raw material, but manipulated that which already existed.

Our creator did not create our raw material, but manipulated that which already existed.