Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
Quote by Joan Rivers
The Present Quotes
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...
It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...
Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...
Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...
Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...