From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.
Quote by Groucho Marx
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does
No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...
Middle Age - Later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Filth and old age, I'm sure you will agree, are powerful wardens upon chastity.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?