From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Laughter Quotes

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out he...

My sister taught me everything I need to know, and she was only in the...

My sister taught me everything I need to know, and she was only in the...

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be picking...

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be picking...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for...