Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice?'
Quote by George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
Religion is just mind control.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...
The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind...
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out...
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters...
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...