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Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Quotes

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do...

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

Marry an orphan: you'll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity

Religion is just mind control

Religion is just mind control

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to...