Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Funny Quotes

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

Think off-center.

Think off-center.

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

Were having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, were...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider...

Religion is just mind control.

Religion is just mind control.

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Tariff: a scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the...

Tariff: a scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the...

I am for free commerce with all nations; political connection with none; and little or...

I am for free commerce with all nations; political connection with none; and little or...