Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Money Quotes

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in...

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

When someone is impatient and says, I haven't got all day, I always wonder, How...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...