Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony with that big hammer slams it on the head of the person who lost the most money that day.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: Money Quotes

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told...

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I don't know what happens to me on stage. Something else seems to take over.

I don't know what happens to me on stage. Something else seems to take over.

No, I always wanted to be a singer. It was kind of funny that I...

No, I always wanted to be a singer. It was kind of funny that I...