I'm a one-man idiot.

Quote by Eddie Izzard

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance....

It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance....

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

So my choice is 'Or Death?

So my choice is 'Or Death?

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective...

We have archeology on television, and I quite like it; its a sort of detective...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

[Mock singing] And shall my sword sleep in my hand [Speaking] NOT a good idea,...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

A mind is like a parachute. If it doesn't open, you're fucked!

I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

I can't cook. I use a smoke alarm as a timer.

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

There's more truth in comedy than in tragedy.

By the time a philospher answers a question weve usually forgotten what was asked.

By the time a philospher answers a question weve usually forgotten what was asked.