Never put a sock in a toaster.

Quote by Eddie Izzard

Topics: Eddie Izzard Quotes

I'm a one-man idiot.

I'm a one-man idiot.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'

It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance....

It all bottomed out with the Renaissance Period. Ren-ais-sance. Thats Renaissance, FRENCH for re-birth. Re-nais-sance....

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music...

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

Socrates was killed by his own people. He was! [Nods head]. Coz he questioned everything...

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of...

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of...

So my choice is 'Or Death?

So my choice is 'Or Death?

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning!...

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain...

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

I think on the seventh day, God was running around, going, Oh, my God! What...

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...

So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then...