If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Quote by Robin Williams
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...
Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through...
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply...
I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...
Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have...
American presidents always avoid shaking hands with brutal dictators, except when it's advantageous to do...
Dictators are rulers who always look good until the last ten minutes.