See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Quote by Robin Williams

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Funny Quotes, God Quotes, Humor Quotes

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Freud: If its not one thing, its your mother.

Freud: If its not one thing, its your mother.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

I love running cross country....On a track, I feel like a hamster.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a...

When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a...

I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.

I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through...

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.