See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Quote by Robin Williams

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Funny Quotes, God Quotes, Humor Quotes

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many; and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through...

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through...

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.