See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Quote by Robin Williams

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Funny Quotes, God Quotes, Humor Quotes

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

When in doubt, go for the dick joke.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family...

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have...

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have...

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.

Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through...

Ah, yes, Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White...

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

Freud: If its not one thing, its your mother.

Freud: If its not one thing, its your mother.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Reality: What a concept!

Reality: What a concept!

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.