See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Quote by Robin Williams

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Funny Quotes, God Quotes, Humor Quotes

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.

I like my wine like my women -- ready to pass out.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic...

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

Spring is nature's way of saying, Let's party!

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply...

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your...

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has...

Well, I'd say that the minute sound came in, it was everybody talking their heads...

Well, I'd say that the minute sound came in, it was everybody talking their heads...

Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child support obligations.

Divorced men are more likely to meet their car payments than their child support obligations.

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always...

If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...

I went to a football game once and got punched in the face, but you...