Think off-center.

Quote by George Carlin

Topics: George Carlin Quotes

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

What are you going to do, play with your prick for another 20 to 30...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone...

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I...

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait...

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

Little-known fact: When the stock exchange closes, the guy who comes out on the balcony...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience...