I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Quote by Dylan Moran

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Driving Quotes

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger...

Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger...

Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I...

Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I...

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

Yeah, I think Michael has had to deal with that label of being Michael Caine...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly...

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear...

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

Red meat is not bad for you

Red meat is not bad for you

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms...

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms...

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.