I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?

Quote by Dylan Moran

Topics: Comedy Quotes, Driving Quotes

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

I don't really think of myself as an actor.

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just get out of a...

Dont clap Im not a jazz band for Christs sake.

Dont clap Im not a jazz band for Christs sake.

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I can't swim. I can't drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but...

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms...

I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms...

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.

The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign...

You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign...

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy,...

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm...

I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm...

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom,...

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me...

In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

Black Books adheres to a more old fashioned, traditional sitcom format, which I think works,...

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...

It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you...