I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Quote by Emo Philips

Topics: Funny Quotes, Positive Quotes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to...

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to...

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle....

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved...

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my...

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my...

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are...

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I...

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

The old age of an eagle is better than the youth of a sparrow.

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want...

If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by the way he eats jelly...

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.

Sister to sister we will always be, a couple of nuts off the family tree.

All things must change To something new, to something strange.

All things must change To something new, to something strange.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

You can turn off the sun, but I'm still gonna shine.

You can turn off the sun, but I'm still gonna shine.