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The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you...

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you...

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

Politicians can do more funny things naturally than I can think of to do purposely

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way...

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way...

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can...

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can...

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.

Things ain't what they used to be and never were.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out...

Our investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to knowledge

Our investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to knowledge

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you...

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you...

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time...

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time...

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and...

We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and...

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country...

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country...

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be...

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be...

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can...

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can...

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works...

Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works...

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him father.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him father.