She's got a great looking husband, a little boy and all the money in the world. She hasn't got the looks, but you can't have everything.

Quote by Jordan

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they...

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they...

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me

Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to...

Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to...

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most...

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most...

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they...

The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they...

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it...

Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too...

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy...

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything...

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out...

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it I wash my mouth out...

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.

From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she...

From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents, from 18 to 35 she...

In every age 'the good old days' were a myth. No one ever thought they...

In every age 'the good old days' were a myth. No one ever thought they...

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is a portion...

Man has no Body distinct from his Soul; for that called Body is a portion...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife...

Some refer to it as a cultural Chernobyl. I think of it as a cultural...

Some refer to it as a cultural Chernobyl. I think of it as a cultural...

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.

Breasts like granite and a brain like swiss cheese.