The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments.
Quote by Mad Magazine
The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my...
If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job
I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting...
There are only two seasons - winter and baseball.
Jude Law is in so many movies, that I went to one, and when I...
I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be...
Individual character involves honoring and embracing certain core ethical values; honesty, respect, responsibility . ....
Most of the time when people laugh at me...I'm not trying to be funny.
In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of...
How little you know about the age you live in if you think that honey...
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It...
I've got a very poor sense of direction. I keep forgetting which way is forwards.
Electronic calculators can solve problems which the man who made them cannot solve; but no...
You know, Hobbes, some days even my rocketship underpants dont help.
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Supreme art is a traditional statement of certain heroic and religious truth, passed on from...
If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything, and when they grow older, they know...