She's got a great looking husband, a little boy and all the money in the world. She hasn't got the looks, but you can't have everything.

Quote by Jordan

Topics: Funny Quotes, Putdowns Quotes

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.

Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.

Age does not make us childish, as some say; it finds us true children.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone...

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they...

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they...

But probably every age gets, within certain limits, the science it deserves.

But probably every age gets, within certain limits, the science it deserves.

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we...

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that...

Software is usually accompanied by documentation in the form of big fat scary manuals that...

It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that...

It was one of the deadliest and heaviest feelings of my life to feel that...

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with...

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with...

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can...

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can...

Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to...

Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to...

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in...

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in...

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them...

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.

Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.

Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.

He'd make a lovely corpse.

He'd make a lovely corpse.

Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything...

Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything...