Never floss with a stranger.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Funny Quotes

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

One of the glories of New York is its ethnic food, and only McDonald's and...

One of the glories of New York is its ethnic food, and only McDonald's and...

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth...

Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth...