The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Smile Quotes

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four....

How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four....

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up...

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up...

This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant.

This is an age in which one cannot find common sense without a search warrant.

Your worst day with God will be better than your best day without Him.

Your worst day with God will be better than your best day without Him.