The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Smile Quotes

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world...

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...