The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Smile Quotes

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food!

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

We live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.

Youve got to go out on a limb sometimes, because thats where the fruit is.

Youve got to go out on a limb sometimes, because thats where the fruit is.