I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

Treason is like diamonds; there is nothing to be made by the small trader

Treason is like diamonds; there is nothing to be made by the small trader

The perfect woman is a higher type of human than the perfect man, and also...

The perfect woman is a higher type of human than the perfect man, and also...