She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is...

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, Get the...