She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the...

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Never floss with a stranger.

Never floss with a stranger.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are...

Television has raised writing to a new low.

Television has raised writing to a new low.

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

Color television! Bah, I won't believe it until I see it in black and white.

When television producers say it is the parents' obligation to keep children away from the...

When television producers say it is the parents' obligation to keep children away from the...