I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Twins Quotes

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put...

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

Don't talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart...

He who limps is still walking.

He who limps is still walking.

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience...

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the...

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

History is little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind

History is little more than the register of the crimes, follies, and misfortunes of mankind

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to...

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to...