It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who.

Quote by Joan Rivers

Topics: Joan Rivers Quotes

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

She's so pure, Moses couldn't even part her knees.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were...

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your...

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later...

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.

Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.